the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
