I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
