so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
