Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pants are for mortals
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
