im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
