Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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