I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
