it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
