she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize