Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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