You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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