He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
