And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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