how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is classic penis vs brain.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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