More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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