What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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