Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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