I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
