she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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