I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
