I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Me too!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
