Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
