Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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