If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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