The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
