I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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