i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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