After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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