So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
