So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
