do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
