I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
