Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
