Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
