i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
