Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
