I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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