I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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