If that was your dad, he is hot
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
