i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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