i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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