So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
