Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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