My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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