Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Pappa wants mamma naked
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
