Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
