There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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