The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize