omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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