Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
