take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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