in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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