I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
