dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
