when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
