I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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