Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
