Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
