Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
