if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
