The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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