Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
