what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
