I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
