I wanna bring you to show and tell
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
