you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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