"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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