the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
