I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
