I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
