I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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