I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize