Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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