I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A bitchslap is in order.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
