Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
