Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
