Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
