Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
