The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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