I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
