I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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