i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
