she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
