And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
NoShamevember. You game?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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