I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dicks are not precious.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
