There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
